Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
