we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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