She said her name was "party"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
