im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just invented taco cereal.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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