Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
