somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
