I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
