Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
