we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Pants are for mortals
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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