so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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