I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
