So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
