Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In other news, I just burned my penis
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
