guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
