guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
