Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize