I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
