gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
