I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
