no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
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