that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
