im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
