I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize