WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
