My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
