My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
