id be glad to
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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