If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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