he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
