how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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