Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize