So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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