I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
me + whiskey = a bad person
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
