I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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