My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
