It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
