i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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