oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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