Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
