Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
