Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...

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(516): View more from New York

You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.

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(303): View more from Colorado

You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.

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(618): View more from Illinois

One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.

(1-618): View more from Illinois

Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!

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(519): View more from Ontario

It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...

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(915): View more from Texas

It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!

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(406): View more from Montana

The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"

(662): View more from Mississippi

If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.

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