so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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