No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
did i walk over a car last night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
