I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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