Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
