if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
