swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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