You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Randomize
