What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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