She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize