i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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