Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
