you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
