so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
