I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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