His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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