yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize