i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
