You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
