soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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