yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
