Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
