Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
