I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
