i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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