I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
