Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
