the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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