Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
