she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
