i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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