I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Can I color on your dick again?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize