Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
