At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize