these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
