We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
