Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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