This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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