were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
